I often have moments of reassessment. When I think – really? Is that normal behaviour? Is it acceptable to the rest of civilisation but not to me?

One of them is watching women put their make up on during their journey – be it tube, bus, car. Wherever. I would not consider applying makeup in public. I don’t know why, but it just seems a slightly intimate thing to be doing. Not to mention the fact that my hands wouldn’t keep everything steady enough to draw a decent line. I’d poke my eye out as the tube screeched to a halt.

God knows i need a makeup artist now

But I am amazed at these young women, and they have all been young, who settle down and proceed to get out an enormous bag of tricks. Usually a soft zippered bag containing numberous pens, pencils, eyeliners, brushes, foundation, mascara. God knows what. And they plaster it on. Oblivious to everyone around them. They trowel on concealer, slather  on foundation, usually get an enormous blusher brush and then proceed to add clown-like cheeks. Even more worrying for me is when they decide to highlight their decolletage with sparking bronzer or somesuch. Have you no shame?

let’s pucker up

Then the eyes get done – and I get worried about the jolts whilst they calmly stroke on layer after layer of mascara. And finally the lips. Sometime with those horrible dark pencilled outlines. And very finishing touch is the perfume.

But perhaps the bits that make me cringe the most are when they decide to do their hair. I really really do not want bits of your scalp  spraying round the carriage thank you. Let alone your hair flicking in to my face as you decisd to give it some va va voom by waving your head about.

I don’t know why I am so squeamish about it.  I realise it is probably an efficient use of time that would otherwise be spent reading or staring in to space. Although today  I saw someone put on antiperspirant by putting their hand down the neck of their dress before she started with the face. Yeuk. Couldn’t you just get up ten minutes earlier? Or do it in the cloakroom at work before you go in? Surely if you are bothering to put make up on at all it is to present this newly made up visage to the world, not the pasty, creased, lack lustre and slitty-eyed version you boarded the tube with. Or perhaps that new improved face is only for specific people. It can’t be for ‘you’ as you have already shown us, your fellow travellers, what you really look like. So the face must be for special others.

But the funny thing is I often think they looked better before they started. Or would look way better if they didn’t put so much on. But then I am aged and jealous of their youth and wish they understood how beautiful that virtually unadorned youth is.

Perhaps my rule of thumb is that things normally done in the bedroom or bathroom should stay private.God knows what I’ll do when someone decides to go that bit further and change her pantyliner.

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