An Ode by Proxy

September 2, 2014

Someone asked me a couple of months ago if I could write an Ode for their niece. How nice was that? I’d never met her niece but apparently she was having a Bridal Shower (another American import??) and everyone had been asked to say a few words so my gym buddy asked me if I could jot down a few verses. I said I’d need some basic facts about the person in question and then I’d give it a go. But no promises on quality.

I thought it would be really difficult if I didn’t know them, but actually I was able to rattle something off fairly quickly with the information I was supplied with. Perhaps knowing less about the person whittles it down so much I have less to think about! what to put in. The event has now passed and I hear it went down well, so I share it with you all now. Perhaps I could run a sideline business writing Odes….

Ode on the Occasion of Anna’s Bridal Shower


And so we are all gathered now

On this sunny August day

To celebrate and raise a glass

Before the great big giveaway.

I know we wish your Mum were here

And she is, in all our hearts,

So let’s make this the finest bridal shower

Ever seen around these parts

Way back in 1988

She did bring you to our worlds

All large and round with big blue eyes

And a mop of raven curls.

You weren’t the easy, placid babe

On adverts far and wide,

No you bawled and screamed all day and night

You just cried. And cried. And cried.

But then you started blossoming,

Loving lots of cuddly toys,

It wasn’t till much later,

You swapped them all for boys.

At school you loved your sewing

And doing craft and art,

You got to go to Uni,

But didn’t like the writing part!

You preferred making, shopping, spending

Buying bags and shoes galore,

Whilst muggins here was working

To raise your dissertation score.

And also whilst at Uni,

You met your Mr Right,

The lovely Mr David Howe

Succumbed without a fight

You work all day at Marks and Sparks,

And design your own creations,

Is all that sewing inside legs,

Good for marital relations?

He’s so lucky to have got you,

You are kind and calm and fun,

You are beautiful from head to toe –

You are the knockout one.

We love you so much Anna

You are great in every way

Let’s raise our glasses one more time

For a fantastic wedding day.


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