Christmas Poem from my Father

December 27, 2013

The things that may help you get the jokes are that we must have all been going to my sister’s for Christmas (she has a dog called Bella), and our son was working in Waitrose on fruit and veg. The rest is self explanatory if you know our family.  It will have been delivered as a toast at some point during the meal – so here’s to you all and hoping you are revelling in the festivities as much as he would have done.He will have enjoyed writing this and loved the performance and ensuing applause even more.

We are going to Bella’s for Christmas

With two cats and feral outside.

We’ll be joined by some moorhens and rabbits

And a drake with his beautiful bride.

There might be a fox and his vixen

But for sure a grey squirrel or two

They’ll be all sorts of birds there for Christmas

With an owl with his twit and too-woo.

The hostess the Duchess of Aga

Well known for her dressage of course

Will cook such a meal for those present

That Michelin would gladly endorse

The host with his corkscrew aready

Will serve us with wine that’s first rate

He’ll be aiming to please all our palates

And the Masters of Wine emulate.

Two princesses as well will be present

Both famed for their beauty and style

One princess is known for how quickly

She texts all her friends on mobile

The other princess is noted for acting

And attending general meetings of cast

Then afterwards impersonating old members

In a humorous and kind hearted blast.

An expert on food will be dining

So the hostess to me does allege

He’s acclaimed by the housewives of Ealing

As a darling on fruit and on veg.

It’s known that he straightens cucumbers

And polishes the fruit that’s on show

That he sucks out the juice from pineapples

Is something that Waitrose don’t know.

A couple well known in West Ealing

For the frontage of house fifty seven

Are also acclaimed for their rooftop

And how it got nearer to heaven.

They are also acclaimed for their kitchen

With more cupboards than most it is said

And their garden has impeccable decking

Plus a magnificent green painted shed.

So its a pleasure that all will be dining

And sharing the great festive fare

It makes for a wonderful Christmas

We’ll be ever so pleased to be there

I speak as one ancient old sailor

And for my wife who’s much younger at heart

She’s always so polite and so courteous

But I tend to spit and to….cough.


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