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Blogging is more relaxing than a massage for me

October 26, 2013

I’ve just spent a week in the Turks and Caicos. I know, jammy jammy jammy. And even more jammy is that I managed to work whilst I was out there. Lying on the beach with my laptop. And what a beach it was. The whitest, finest, flour-like sand and the warmest, calmest most azure sea. But that’s why I’ve not posted much over the last couple of weeks. Too busy. When I wasn’t working, I tried a massage instead of spending time writing a blog. I won’t be doing that again…

Anyone who knows me in real life knows I can’t be doing with massages. Even my manicurist has given up trying to give me the complimentary hand and arm massage that everyone else loves. No, I just don’t get it. What’s it for? I haven’t got time for this. I’m relaxed enough thanks.
That’s not to say I don’t appreciate good physio, which may involve serious massaging. Pummelling, pushing, and generally creating agony. But that’s all in a good cause so I can do that. But the lie back for an hour and be rubbed in exotic oils? No thanks.
I’ve tried. Believe me. I live with a massage addict. We go away to wonderful places and they have spas. Would madam like one? No thanks. But hubby will. Every day given the chance. So occasionally I give it a go. And today’s essential shambala signature massage for sixty minutes was free with the booking, so nothing to lose.
The last massage I had was in a wonderful hotel in Italy where hubby had been carted off daily by gorgeous young things who rubbed him down. I thought I could manage a bit of that.

But no waif-like smiling model for me. I got Big Bertha the German lesbian who took great delight in massaging my chest and inner thighs. Not being an officionado of massages I lay there pole axed . And haven’t had another massage since.

Until today.
Would Mrs like a relaxing massage or deep tissue? I am tempted by the latter as that feels useful, but opt to have the relaxing as this is what they recommend. It involves “long strokes and rocking” apparently. Best done with no knickers. WTF? But I roll with it.
My masseuse is Siki, a small Malaysian woman with splayed feet and firm hands. My God those hands are firm. I am intensely grateful I have not opted for deep tissue as this is like post-injury physio. I feel the knots and keep breathing deeply to try to relax. The sodding water music burbles on and the oils waft heavily. Those thumbs drive in to my sacroiliac joints. Mmm this isn’t quite as relaxing as I’d thought, but I feel it is probably doing me good.
After an hour she tells me it is finished and that my back is very tight all over. Apparently an Indian head massage would be good for that. Forget it. There’s no way I’m having an hour of pummelling to the head and paying $200 for the privilege. I’d prefer to sit bent over the computer writing this drivel – I feel far more relaxed and no painful after-effects.

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4 Responses to “Blogging is more relaxing than a massage for me”

  1. Lorna Says:

    I am a HUGE fan of a head massage.Nothing fancy,just my scalp gently being massaged. I’ve offered to pay my daughters if they will do it for me but after an hour they normally give up…..no staying power.I was in a hair dressing school once and they told me that the previous week they had had Japanese students in,and part of the treatment was a head massage at the sink.Customers all fell asleep. I was almost crying when they told me……I had so nearly booked in for a week earlier (sob).

  2. t upchurch Says:

    Ha ha, bless. I’m the same; massage and spas creep me out. I’d rather swim in the sea, run up a mountain, or write a blog post for sure.


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