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I’m going to slash some tyres

October 16, 2013

I was born to the strains of Radio 4, had graduate parents , am a qualified professional, went to a privileged boarding school in the sixth form, love goats cheese and caramelised onions, have a Mercedes and a “runaround”, a flat in central London, love the theatre and think Marks and Sparks has gone downhill but still love John Lewis. Believe me, cut me and I bleed  a nice Rioja like the  middleclass stereotype I am.

But what the Hell gives middle class women in Ealing the belief that they have the God given right to park right next to the door in Waitrose.? They aren’t going to walk any further than they can possibly help. Oh no, they will turn in and SIT there, letting the queue build up back in to the road behind them as they wait for someone to vacate a space in the first row.

I have to say the car park is one of the most badly designed I have ever seen (second only to Harry Tuffin’s multistorey in Knighton ) as the entrance is at the door to the shop so then one has to drive away from the shop to find a space. Psychologically this is mortifying for those who do not want to use their legs. It would be much more sense to enter as far away as possible and move towards the shop. But the design is what it is. And the twatty women with their bobbed hair in their big Mercedes roar up and halt, blocking the entire entrance to the car park and not allowing anyone else to move. They’d rather wait for 5 minutes in one spot than park 100 metres away and have to walk.

Horns usually start going but it is pointless because everyone else in the Waitrose car park can’t fucking drive either.They edge forward, desperate to see a spot that won’t mean they have to put one foot in front of the other for more than 20 meters.  I mean, they’ve worked hard for the privilege to be able to get the best spot in the car park. Surely there should spaces  designated specifically for them? Like parent and baby or disabled there should be one marked “Nice part-time working Mums in a bit of a hurry to get to their facial”.

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13 Responses to “I’m going to slash some tyres”


  1. […] was bound to happen sooner or later. Waitrose West Ealing Car Park is a cauldron of middle class fury just waiting to boil over.  And today I snapped. I had driven […]

  2. Kate Morgan Says:

    ha ha – an excuse!

  3. Anonymous Says:

    Motorcycle
    Rediscover your inner hooligan

  4. t upchurch Says:

    That’s why I had babies: you get the spot at the front and you can PARK DIAGONALLY. Job done.

    (Although since Devon chili chocolate farm sells on the internet, and the Tesco van brings the Shiraz, you have to ask, why bother?)

  5. Kate Morgan Says:

    love it! send it to Waitrose.

  6. michael Says:

    Haha, absolutely love it, spot on. They’re the worst customers (well, not in terms of spending) by a mile too.

    Meters, though? Microsoft word on its mission to internationally standardise spelling again I suppose.


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I’m going to slash some tyres

October 16, 2013

I was born to the strains of Radio 4, had graduate parents , am a qualified professional, went to a privileged boarding school in the sixth form, love goats cheese and caramelised onions, have a Mercedes and a “runaround”, a flat in central London, love the theatre and think Marks and Sparks has gone downhill but still love John Lewis. Believe me, cut me and I bleed  a nice Rioja like the  middleclass stereotype I am.

But what the Hell gives middle class women in Ealing the belief that they have the God given right to park right next to the door in Waitrose.? They aren’t going to walk any further than they can possibly help. Oh no, they will turn in and SIT there, letting the queue build up back in to the road behind them as they wait for someone to vacate a space in the first row.

I have to say the car park is one of the most badly designed I have ever seen (second only to Harry Tuffin’s multistorey in Knighton ) as the entrance is at the door to the shop so then one has to drive away from the shop to find a space. Psychologically this is mortifying for those who do not want to use their legs. It would be much more sense to enter as far away as possible and move towards the shop. But the design is what it is. And the twatty women with their bobbed hair in their big Mercedes roar up and halt, blocking the entire entrance to the car park and not allowing anyone else to move. They’d rather wait for 5 minutes in one spot than park 100 metres away and have to walk.

Horns usually start going but it is pointless because everyone else in the Waitrose car park can’t fucking drive either.They edge forward, desperate to see a spot that won’t mean they have to put one foot in front of the other for more than 20 meters.  I mean, they’ve worked hard for the privilege to be able to get the best spot in the car park. Surely there should spaces  designated specifically for them? Like parent and baby or disabled there should be one marked “Nice part-time working Mums in a bit of a hurry to get to their facial”.

.

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