Shared histories. Time served

October 21, 2012

I was out a few weeks ago with three mates who I have known for about twenty years. They are friends that I met through having children. We haven’t lived in each others pockets, but have constantly met throughout those years and seen each other at numerous events. We have marked occasions together, had dinner parties, barbeques, walks, picnics, coffees galore, seen shows, days out… the list goes on.

We had a lovely time . We chatted and laughed and talked about what we had been doing, and about our husbands and children. Against the national statistics we are all still married to the fathers of our children. And in fact I look around my local friends and find the vast majority are still together. Why is that? We aren’t a religious sub cult that can’t get divorced. But perhaps it is the luxury of having a local network of friends to share stresses and strains with over a coffee or a chablis that has helped us all  through the difficult times even without talking about those difficulties directly.

I’m not suggesting it is the counselling of friends that helps relationships, but simply the outlet of having friends to be able to take some time out with. To have a good time. To see beyond the relationship. To see others in their relationships. To see things are not always sweetness and light even in the seemingly most harmonious of households. And knowing that’s OK.

facebook has reconnected me with many people that I had lost touch with and it has been utterly wonderful to talk to them in cyberspace and in real life. Even those I had kept in some contact with are now closer than ever as we can easily write a line to each other or comment on a photo. Even this blog allows me to feel I am still maintaining contact with people albeit through this bizarre medium. But when someone mentions in passing that they read something on here,, it lifts my heart to know we are keeping in touch.

And it is when I am physically with longstanding friends that I realise the fact that we have so much history together is part and parcel of the binding. The memories of times past. Times when things went well, went badly or just went. Someone says something about a present situation and someone else remembers a previous time when something similar happened. And the re-living of those memories can be so gratifying – recharging and reminding us of great times we have had, or bad times we have been through and recovered from. When one is feeling low it can be a real boost to reminisce –  sometimes to remind us that actually things weren’t always as fabulous as rose-tinted spectacles would have us believe, and other times simply to re-enjoy fantastic moments and to cherish them even more with the benefit of time. And old friends can do that for us – be a present reminder of the history of our lives.

Here’s to all of you with love.

cooking Sunday roast and toasting friends!


4 Responses to “Shared histories. Time served”

  1. Cecilie Says:

    This is wonderful Sarah, a true joy to read, share, smile and be thankful of

  2. Lorna Kyle Says:

    Well said Sarah and that looks like one of those hugh glasses that hold a bottle of wine….

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