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My prescription for living part one

September 7, 2012

If only it were possible …

Having blogged about how I met my husband, it brought in to sharp focus a time in my life when I made a serious mistake. Marrying the wrong guy. Well, the initial mistake was continuing to go out with him after the first time he’d been unfaithful. Long before we were married. And the mistake continued when I put aside niggling doubts and was reassured by his assertions of fidelity. Not to mention that he would get so upset that I  could even THINK such a thing of him. Looking back I realise that even at the time “Methinks he doth protest too much” did flit through my mind, but I was determined to ignore it. He made me feel I was being unreasonable and I was happy to remain ignorant. I was working a one in three  living in the hospital virtually every other night and weekend, so he had plenty of time and opportunity to share his charms with others.

And when he did finally announce to me that he had fallen in love with the most beautiful woman in the world, I was truly shocked. And gutted. And became even more spineless and pathetic and felt I had to keep going with this relationship because I hadn’t said the words ‘For better or for worse” lightly. I had meant them. So now was the time to rise up to the ‘worse’ bit and keep going.

I had no self respect, no belief in my own worth, no anger at this point. Only devastation. I was prepared to share him if need be. FFS! What was I thinking?? God knows, but I can tell you all the confident assertions  that  “If he ever treats me like that, he can fuck off” just went right out the window. With my dignity. I think it safe to say that one rarely knows how one will react in an untested situation until it happens to you. All the theory in the world matters not a jot when reality crashes in around you.

But the point of this post is that it got me thinking about things I wish I’d realised earlier in life, and at first I came up with a Top Ten list of  nuggets that I had found useful, but each one of them seemed to need some context and background, hence I am spreading them over a few posts.

SO herwith my

Life Lessons I want as my Legacy

(in random order)

  1. There are very few decisions that can’t be undone so go for it. Take the opportunity, try it and if you really don’t like it, then give it back for someone else to try. (This doesn’t really hold for children once they are born, but virtually everything else). As one gets older I regret more the things I didn’t do, opportunities I didn’t grasp, rather than the things I did that went wrong.
  2. Listen to your inner self. Have more faith in your instincts and the courage to face them when things appear to be going to shit but others are denying it.
  3. Don’t beat yourself up if things go wrong. Life is too short to spend valuable time going over and over your mistakes. Yes you fucked up (see marriage number one above).  It happens. Learn from it, apologise if need be and accept it. Move on.
  4. Actually think about what you are doing and why you are doing it. Once a decision’s made and I’m happy enough with it, I don’t revisit it. I think if I had re-thought about accepting the proposal of my first marriage, I would have realised I was accepting because I was keener about ‘being married’ than who it was to. (Thank God for lesson number one!)

Here endeth today’s lesson!

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