Nothing like a nice taut arse to perk you up

July 15, 2012

For birthdays one of my bezzie mates usually buys us tickets to a show. That way we have a night out together and a bit of entertainment on the side. There is a theme to her choices. Basically any gay theatrical event that she can find at the time she’s buying the tickets. So this time it was Briefs at London Wonderground – a recently constructed fairground-feel area on the South Bank. It would have been glorious to sit at the outdoor cafe-style tables for a pre-show sniflter, but it was pissing down so we huddled under the awnings sipping our Pinots. We’d already banked Mojitos and beers in Los Iguanos – a great find. Buzzy atmosphere, tasty Mexican food and alcohol. What’s not to love?

And so in to the circus-like arena and we were ushered up the front. It’s always like this with her. If there’s a chance of audience participation she’ll be in it. But I got the end seat this time. With trepidation.

The troupe are from Perth -the cultural arsehole of Australia. And boy do they milk it. The show opens with a clssic Chippendale-style strip routine exposing wonderful taut bodies in teeny tiny G strings. It is more amateur review than slick Vegas, but more endearing for it. The hostess is a towering tranny from Samoa. She changes outfits between each act, dazzling us with her sequin overload and flowing locks. And beard. She is the best bit of the show for me. Particularly as she warms up and relaxes in to it. Putting down a female heckler whose nauseating screams of adoration made us all want to punch her.  But there is a great hula hoop act, and the reigning King of Burlesque (presumably Boylesque?), incredible bodies, pheneomenal flxibility and lots of laughs. And luckily the closest I get to being part of it is being asked to take my jacket off by a man with the longest fake eyeleashes I have ever seen.

The host spots a like minded soul in the audience and applauds her on how fabulous she looks. Asks her to wave to everyone so they can see what to be jealous of. She has big hair, a huge trout pout, make up plastered on, killer fingernails. She is high maintenance hell by the looks of her. But she sure looks like she loves herself . And the best bit is that the host obviously doesn’t know who she is. She would hate that. Nancy Del Ollio. Trannies Idol.


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