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Parental damage

July 8, 2012

I’ve never said I was the best Mum in the world.  One has to know one’s limitations so I’ve always tried to be good enough, not perfect. To keep them safe, happy and independent.  But unfortunately I haven’t always managed that and have in fact ended up making things worse rather than better. But I like to think of it all as character building stuff. One has to take a positive out of a situation.

So I give you my

Top Ten Physical  Traumas I Put Our Children Through

  1. Small baby in classic pram. I need to post letter. Letterbox on other side of road so I decided to simply run across the road myself, leaving pram where it is with baby inside it. Shoot across road and turn round to see pram rolling off pavement between two parked cars and  in to road. Pavement so high that in fact pram cannot simply roll down on to road but upends itself and tips baby out on to road. By some miracle no car comes , but baby somewhat gravel-beaten by the experience.
  2. Trying to get baby to settle back down in the cot, I picked him up to bring him towards me only to drop him back in to the cot, smashing his front tooth out on the way. Tears and blood everywhere, and no sign of the tooth. He’s crying so hard I fear he may have inhaled it with the initial sharp intake of breath. Luckily it turns up about six feet away on the floor having been avulsed with force, so at least I know he isn’t going to choke on it.
  3. Visiting Nanny we leave 15 month old in cot for nap upstairs. Baby cries and cries but we ignore as are toddler taming. Crying apparently stops after about half an hour. Two hours later we think she has had an incredible nap and go up to wake her. Walk in to bedroom to see baby with feet on floor  and body wedged beween base of cot and rails.  The whole base has somehow tipped up in the frame and she has slipped through, now wedged fast. She is still silently sobbing. Exhausted.She had given up hope of attracting our attention. The guilt for this one was enormous.
  4. Hire a drug dealing nanny
  5. Hire a nanny who is so disorganised and incapable it takes our 5 year old to tell her where to get off the tube. Every single time she takes the children swimming she loses at least one costume. Luckily never a child.
  6. Six year old viewing our new house and I forget to mention that workmen have the floorboards up in the hallway. She rushes in only to disappear down in to the foundations under the house.
  7. Playing with friends in the garden whilst I try to get on with something, child hurts foot. I dismiss injury and tell to jump up and get on with it. Toe confirmed broken later.
  8. At holiday villa with pool. I am reading book, totally absorbed. Smallest falls in deep end. With no armbands or swimming ability. Luckily her sister (aged about 6) dives in and rescues her.
  9. Meeting children from school I bring snack. And offer a pecan muffin to a small friend. “Doesn’t Anna have a nut allergy?” pipes up our 5 year old.  I grab the muffin too late. She has already bitten in to it. The lips are swelling and the eyes watering. She survives.
  10. We have old Merc estate with rear facing seats in the boot. Our youngest always opts to use them. I am picking the three children up from friend’s house who has had them after school whilst I go to work. Am in hurry to get home after long day. Children climb in car and I drive off. It is only when son shouts that I realise I have driven off with the boot wide open and whilst youngest is still trying to climb in. Thus my accelerating away has thrown her out of the car and on to the road behind me. Yet I am oblivious . She is sobbing in the road but surprisingly nothing broken. Even at the time I found this somewhat amusing. That’s bad isn’t it?

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10 Responses to “Parental damage”


  1. […] went through the Top Ten Physical Traumas I put the children through here , and my tipping him out of the pram and dropping him so he knocked a tooth out are already listed. […]

  2. Kelly West Says:

    Kai wants me to add that I hit him in the face with a hard baseball. In the store. Blood everywhere. Then I proceeded to buy a dozen, which I never let him use.

  3. Kelly West Says:

    Sarah, I loved this!

    I could add so many – I kicked Kai down the stairs (tripped on the carpet after foot surgery). Once I walked past him choking on a sandwich because I was too busy packing the car for work. God, if I hadn’t turned around at that moment.
    But the one which still makes me sweat: we were hiking in the mountains and he was walking down to meet his dad. I packed up the backpack only to look up and see my husband looking up at me with a questioning look. I scanned the top of the mountain and saw that an ice field had caught his attention and he was playing on the snow which was precariously hanging off the side of a cliff. He had had to step across a melted strip just to get on it. I could see the writing in the newspaper. It is possibly the only time he’s ever done exactly what I told him to do.. Oh my!

    Thanks for a wonderful blog…a bit like confession, isn’t it?

    Kelly

  4. michael Says:

    I think the fact that none of these involve Georgina shows who’s really to blame for most of them.

    Brilliant as ever.

  5. Angela Walker Says:

    Oy vay vot a mother!

  6. Michaela Vogt Says:

    I wish I had your nerves…I still feel strange thinking about me bringing the rubbish down and seeing my two year old standing in the wide open kitchen window happily calling me – from our third floor apartment ! It was one of the rare occasions he did what I told him and climbed inside again! And he is 28 now!
    Sarah, I’m really enjoying reading your blog!
    Micha


    • Oh my God that must have been terrifying! Thank goodness he did as he was told.
      Glad you enjoy it -it’s nice to think it keeps us a bit in touch over the miles!
      xx


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