Housework? Don’t risk it

May 24, 2012

I am not a great housekeeper. I would love to be, and I admire those who are. I don’t mean those who have houses you daren’t sit down in, but those whose houses are clean, tidy enough that you don’t trip over everything, have food in the fridge and ironed clothes.

I kind of know where stuff is….

I am not bad, just not great. And luckily we earn enough to have a cleaner who comes in and keeps on top of it for us. The joy of freshly hoovered stairs! The sparkling worktop! The sitting room without newspapers strewn everywhere. Unfortunately I can’t let her loose in my office as it looks like a chaotic mess, but it is a mess that I kind of know my way round.

But I digress.

As a medical student some attachments are more interesting than others. Depends what lights your fire I suppose, but straightforward medicine never really did it for me. I loved the sheer variety of A & E (or Casualty as we called it then), the cut and thrust of surgery and the intensity of oncology. But it was always through A & E that we got the most surprises. The things that made your eyes water at the thought, or made it hard to maintain an air of professionalism.

And so it was one day when I was with the registrar, we were called to review a male patient who had come in with a lacerated penis. And lacerated it was. Nasty nasty nasty. Blood everywhere. How on earth had it happened? An angry wife? A startled  blow job? No. Doing housework.

Apparently he had been hoovering in his dressing gown (as you do)  and had gone to switch it off at the plug. But as he leant over, his dressing gown became unfastened and his penis ‘”was sucked in to the nozzle”. Allegedly. Honestly, that is what he said. And who was I to disbelieve him? Unfortunately for him the particular model of vacuum cleaner he was using had blades inside the nozzle at 15cm. Yeeeeowwww!

And so dear reader, think twice before you get out your Hoover Dustette. It might bite back!

Searching the British Medical Journal for something else I just happened to find the paper the Registrar must have written. Great memories!


9 Responses to “Housework? Don’t risk it”

  1. […] I digress. The first time I was attached to Casualty was as a student, and I blogged here about the Hoover Dustette incident and here about the fireworks. But there were plenty of other […]

  2. Paulie Peach Says:

    Wasn’t there one about a daffodil too?
    Next best thing to having dinner with the Clarkies – your blog!

    • Your memory is correct Cap’n. There are many such stories – some of which will no doubt appear on here! Glad you enjoy the blog – but a dinner date would be brilliant. It seems ages……….. xxxx

  3. CocoaPowered Says:

    Have just had to spend ten minutes of my life – I mean, ten minutes!! – cleaning the damn kitchen (when will it learn to clean itself???!) and all because my mother is coming tomorrow afternoon.
    I do sometimes imagine what state my house would be in if someone judgemental didn’t visit at least once a week.
    They are cheaper than a cleaner.

    • Thanks for stopping by cocoa – I know what you mean about frantic clear ups before someone arrives – pushing stuff in to the wardrobe just to get it off the floor………

  4. Lorna Kyle Says:

    I’m not going to talk about that guy’s penis,I don’t even want to think of it ever again……but I am so impressed that you have TWO laptops switched on.And under the table looks like you’ve had 3 baker’s tray of doughnuts delivered and there is a Holy Communion chalice on the table.I’ll try and pick out some more stuff but it’s a bit tricky hanging onto this branch outside your window…..

    • One laptop for work, one for facebook, blogging and shopping 🙂

      • Janet Says:

        Hoho – I wonder which one you’re on most??

        And can you guess what brought another unfortunate chap to A&E if I tell you that his excuse was ‘I tripped over the fruit bowl and landed on an apple?!

      • I certainly can – have numerous tales of objects in unusual places. Note that down for another post another day! Thanks Prof!

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