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Office etiquette

May 16, 2012

I have spouted on fb about how much it gets my goat that all these 25 -35 year old women constantly suck water from their bottle at work. What are they afraid of? Overwhelming dehydration in the arid atmosphere of London? Why can’t they just go and get a drink, drink it and then sit down again? You don’t see the Olympic 10,000 metre runners drinking constantly; somehow I don’t think anyone in the office will die without their Evian. But anyway, it started me thinking about particular habits that people have at work that make me want to punch them full in the face, so here are my

Top Ten Annoying Office Behaviours

  1. Being late for meetings. What – your time is so fucking precious the company can afford to make everyone else wait just for you?
  2. Using the Reply All button to say a nauseating, arse-licking thank you to the sender.
  3. Noise pollution;
    1. Talking really loudly on the phone.
    2. Constant sniffing. Get a sodding handkerchief and just blow your nose properly. Like your mother should have taught you. And DON’T you DARE open it up and look at it.
    3. Eating crunchy things out of rattly bags. Just shut the fuck up will you?
    4. Clicking the top of a pen on and off. Contiunuously. Especially in a meeting.  FFS did nobody teach you any manners?
    5. That irritating tinny noise you get from crap headphones. Tbh I’d prefer to hear the actual music than that pissy sound.
  4. Taking credit for someone else’s work, not giving credit where it is due or immediately pointing the finger at someone else when the proverbial has hit the fan.
  5. A passive aggressive attitude to work; by which I mean that when you ask them to do something they appear co operative but then ask you so many questions about exactly what you want them to do, and exactly how you want them to do it (even though they have been doing the job for years and this should be fairly routine) that you end up thinking it would be easier and quicker to do it yourself.
  6. People who use meeting rooms as if they are their own offices – parking themselves in them all day and making endless personal telephone calls.
  7. People who walk away when they’ve knackered the photocopier and don’t do anything to try to fix it. Not even reload paper.
  8. People who even when they are on a communal table space bounce their leg up and down in a kind of nervous twitch way so that the whole table resonates.
  9. Weak handshakes  – the ones that disappear like water. Creepy.
  10. People who won’t make a decision or take responsibility. Don’t get me started on that one…………..
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9 Responses to “Office etiquette”


  1. […] on with it. So I am drinking only one cup of coffee a day, 1.5 – 2 litres of water a day (but NOT from a plastic bottle at work I hasten to add) and trying to eat more healthily. But her role is not […]

  2. TU Says:

    People who snog their colleagues, spend 2 hours in the pub at lunch, and then fall asleep at their desk in the afternoon. Oh, hang on… no, they’re OK. [blushes]

    So anyway, sweaty handshakes and people who write snotty notes on the office fridge (because they’re the only one who hasn’t realised that it was turned off last October, and all their colleagues eat in the pub.)


    • haha! No issue with pub lunches – bring them back I say! Bad handshakes are shite for whatever reason – a nice firm, dry grip is the only way. As for fridge wars – dear God save me….

  3. Janet Says:

    You have an amazing ability to put into words my exact thoughts! Some others..thoughtless twats who piss off for hours leaving their mobile phones constantly ringing on their desks..people in meetings who just get up and alter the room temperature to suit their own requirements (leading to ‘thermostat battles’)..oh the list is endless..getting agitated at the memories!!

  4. fivegoblogging Says:

    Thank you for the affirmation that I do not want to ever work in an office ever again ever. 🙂

  5. Will Bigg Says:

    I laughed out loud reading this post at my office desk. I like how they get more acerbic as they go down. I never thought of weak hand shakes as creepy, but I’ll give you that. 🙂


    • thanks Will – if you read the other list on corporate-speak (why don’t people just say what they mean) I think its even more obvious as the language gets worse and worse (don’t read it if easily offended!)


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