Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. Really?

April 15, 2012

Top Ten Things to Make a Girls Night Out a Success

  1. Don’t pay anyone any compliments when you meet up. It might start making people feel good about themselves and we know where that can lead
  2. If there is pre drinks at someone’s house before going out and they have made a special cocktail for everyone, do say you’d prefer it without the lemongrass so the host has to make one especially for you. This will make her feel valued and she would prefer to be back in the kitchen than chatting with us.
  3. When you are in the cab do give the cabbie directions, even if you don’t know where we are going. This is particularly effective if you are in the back seat of a maxitaxi and another one of the party is in the front seat also giving directions.
  4. When we get to the restaurant do loudly criticise the décor and the waiting staff. It lets them know you are not to be trifled with and will ensure that they try harder to please you
  5. Spend plenty of time bigging up your husband/partner. We all love to hear how fabulous he is at everything and helps us focus on how to improve our own relationships
  6. If you are a UK size 10 or less, do mention how fat you are feeling. You can illustrate this dramatically by pinching together the 2 mm roll of fat on your stomach. That makes everyone over a size 12 feel connected to you in a special way
  7. Once the menus have arrived, do confirm from the group that they don’t want starters. It’s always appreciated when someone is prepared to put the brakes on for everyone right at the outset.
  8. Do make sure that the group can never have one conversation all together. Pick one person and talk at them so they cannot be part of any other conversation but can enjoy your pontifications and musings on the state of the world that is your life. This works especially well if the other person does not know your family so will find it difficult to follow who is who and who said what and when. People always enjoy that sort of challenge.
  9. When the food arrives, do make sure the staff are clear you are not happy with it but are prepared to eat it to save the disruption to the group.  Staff and friends alike will recognise and appreciate the sacrifice you are making towards the enjoyment of the evening
  10. When the bill comes do inspect it and remark at the high cost of some others’ main courses compared to your own. Ideally, when splitting the bill everyone will appreciate it if you can break it down to exactly what each individual had rather than simply dividing it equally between everyone.

4 Responses to “Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. Really?”

  1. Terri Stewart Says:

    Sarah, you have made me laugh, cry and scream out loud. So love this new addition to your many talents. Paul thinks 3 is hilarious

  2. Laura Adams Says:

    Number 6 is undoubtedly the best!

    though my pet hate is number 10….. i will not have a repeat evening with someone if they do that with the bill!

  3. Really think we were SO wrong on all accounts last Friday! hahahaa xx

  4. georgiemcclarke Says:

    Made me laugh out loud! Especially like numbers 5, 6, and 7!

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